“Conflict is growth trying to happen.”

Harville Hendrix, Making Marriage Simple

“Jesus may be in your heart, but grandpa is in your bones.”

Pete Scazzero, Emotionally Healthy Spirituality 

 Our response to conflict is a direct reflection of our belief about the Gospel.

So if anyone is in Christ, there is a new creation: everything old has passed away; see, everything has become new! All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ, and has given us the ministry of reconciliation; that is, in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting the message of reconciliation to us. So we are ambassadors for Christ, since God is making his appeal through us; we entreat you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God. 

2 Corinthians 5:17-20 NIV

“Reconciliation is so central to the good news of what God has done in Christ that to see no reconciliation in our churches suggests there is no gospel in them. Reconciliation marks our presence in the world.”

David Fitch, Faithful Presence

1. Pray. 

 2. Start with you, not with them. 

 Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. 

Psalm 139:23-24 NIV

3. Go to them, not around them. 

“If another believer sins against you, go privately and point out the offense. If the other person listens and confesses it, you have won that person back. But if you are unsuccessful, take one or two others with you and go back again, so that everything you say may be confirmed by two or three witnesses. If the person still refuses to listen, take your case to the church. Then if he or she won’t accept the church’s decision, treat that person as a pagan or a corrupt tax collector.”

Matthew 18:15-17 NIV

4. Make Jesus the center. 

Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

Ephesians 5:20 NIV

5. Own your own sin. 

What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? You desire but do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight. You do not have because you do not ask God. 

James 4:1-2 NIV

6. Embrace your limits.

 If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.

Romans 12:18 NIV

Choose Forgiveness. 

Forgiveness is possible even when reconciliation is not. 

 “Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”

Colossians 3:13b NIV

We all learn our patterns of conflict from our past experiences – especially in childhood. How did you experience conflict in childhood? How has it formed the way you handle it in the present – for better or worse? 

In the message, Justin mentions 6 steps in pursuing healthy conflict. 
1. Pray.
2. Start with you, not them. 
3. Go to them, not around them.
4. Make Jesus the center.
5. Own your own sin.
6. Embrace your limits.
7. Choose forgiveness.

Which of these do you find most challenging? Which do you have to learn to live into more?